


There's a name for it (A phrase that fits)

by targaryen_melodrama



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, M/M, POV Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 13:36:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19274392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/targaryen_melodrama/pseuds/targaryen_melodrama
Summary: Sam turns away from him and Bucky doesn’t think it’s fair, doesn’t think it’s fair at all that the most important relationship in his life hinges on him being able to express himself, which he hasn’t done properly in over a century."Isn’t it enough," Bucky tries again, "that I care about you?"





	There's a name for it (A phrase that fits)

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by [Make a thing go right](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4195266) by [hansbekhart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansbekhart/pseuds/hansbekhart). Read the series this weekend and it fucked me up (in all the good ways), but the ending (as well as the third installment, Let's stay together, as a whole) gave me so many feelings because you could feel just how much Sam and Bucky Loved each other despite everything. This is my take on that particular type of relationship between Sam and Bucky. 
> 
> Not beta'ed, feel free to point out typos, etc.

Bucky doesn’t even know how it starts, this time. One minute they’re figuring out their next move: how to get in contact with Shield, where they’re gonna settle, _if_ they’re gonna settle, and the next, Bucky’s trying to get his foot out of his mouth.

Again.

"Isn’t enough that I—that I—"

Sam turns away from him and Bucky doesn’t think it’s fair, doesn’t think it’s fair _at all_ that the most important relationship in his life hinges on him being able to express himself, which he hasn’t done properly in over a century.

He doesn’t know how this fight started, but him putting his foot in his mouth is usually part of it. Yeah, it’s exactly how it usually goes: Bucky fucks up, Sam shuts down, even when Bucky tries his best to communicate, and Bucky gets frustrated because he doesn’t get a chance to be heard.

"Isn’t it enough," he tries again, softer, quiet as the morning around them, "that I care about you?"

Sam smiles—or rather, his lips tilt up, since the humourless, tense expression on his face doesn’t, in any universe, qualify as a Sam Wilson smile—and turns back to fully face Bucky.

"Not in our lives, it isn’t. You of all—"

 _You of all people should know that_ , is what Sam doesn’t say.

Bucky’s not hurt, exactly, by that statement. Sam’s hurting, and they both lash out when something’s wrong. Plus, Sam cut himself off because he knows, even when they’re fighting, that it isn’t a fair thing to say.

Still.

"This is...this is different," Bucky says, and almost believes it.

"Is it? Started out in the shadows, like I was some teenager on the down low, on the run from the government, with your ex trying his best not to hate me for whatever the fuck we were doing at the time. Got with someone who almost killed me three damn times— right after I buried my...my Riley," he finishes, softer than he started at the mention of Riley. "Care’s gonna fix that? Care’s gonna fix the three million psychological issues we got combined between the two of us? Care’s gonna fix these shaky ass foundations we laid down?"

"No. But love can.”

The look Sam gives him almost hurts more than the comment he made earlier. It’s a mix of disbelief and incredulity, and God, Bucky knows he sounds... _corny_ or whatever Sam would call it, but he means it, he fucking means it, it’s the only thing that is keeping him here, with Sam, and not locked in a freezer in Wakanda to waste away, like he probably should.

"I mean it," Bucky says out loud. "I love you."

Looks like that’s what it takes to cut through the bullshit. Sam’s arms have fallen to his sides, and he’s frowning now. Not mad or sad. Confused, maybe. Confused, but listening at least.

"I meant what I said before, too," Sam says. "We both know love doesn’t work that way.”

"So this is it. We bury Stark, Steve gives you the shield, and that’s it. We never see each other again. That’s it? That’s how we end?”

"What else is there?" Sam asks, not unkindly, and Bucky's surprised he doesn’t have to stop and think.

"There’s everything. There’s so much between us. Some bad, some really fucked up, but most of it good. At least for me. And I know you feel the same.”

"Do you?"

“Yes,” Bucky says, walking towards Sam, more sure of himself by the second. It might be fear, it might be desperation, and he can hear Sam tell him that neither of these things are good to start a relationship, but Bucky—Bucky _loves_ Sam, and it’s gotta be worth something, goddamn it, it’s got to.

"God, Sam, we—”

“‘We’ what?” Sam asks.

Bucky’s closer now, close enough to hear Sam’s heart thundering, right along with his.

“We—there’s no one else in the world when we’re together. I’ve never— I forgot what it’s like to have someone have my back in the field, but with you it’s like...it’s like you’ve always been there. And not just—not just in the field. I—I reach out to you when I’m scared. Hurt. And you reach out to me.”

Sam’s lips tilt up again. “That seem healthy to you? That we fell—that we got together like this? When we were scared and hurt?”

“Maybe not,” and Bucky stops himself from saying that it’s how it always seems to be, for the two of them. That’s how it was with him and Steve, back in ‘38. It’s probably how it’d been between Sam and Riley. “But that’s not all it has to be. We can do better, now. Rebuild those foundations. We can. We—we should.”

“When you just lost Steve?”

Bucky did just lose Steve, the euphemism not quite capturing what it felt like when Steve left their world and came back the way he did, but—

“We both lost him. You loved him. He loves you,” Bucky says, and skips right over the disbelief on Sam’s face. Steve loves and believes in Sam like he does few others. Proof is leaning on the wall, next to Sam’s wings, glinting slightly with the morning sun.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Bucky goes on, because he’s gonna nip this in the bud, here and now. “But before he...left, you’re the one I went to bed with, and woke up to. You’re the one who held my hand before and after cryo. Sam, I...it’s you, despite the bullshit, it’s you, it’ll always _be_ you.”

This isn’t anything new, Bucky thinks. It was always there, they just hadn’t put words to it just yet. And just as Bucky starts to think he fucked up for the third time today and the thousandth time in their relationship, he sees it happen.

There are few things in the world that are more beautiful than Sam finally opening up to him after a fight. Bucky sees it immediately. It’s the way Sam’s shoulders fall, tension no longer holding them up. The way his eyes lose their harshness, like Sam is ready to invite him in. It’s the way his arms open up, a small, but unmistakable space he makes for Bucky.

When Bucky finally closes the distance between them, he wraps his arms around Sam and Sam lets him, one of his hands wrapping around Bucky’s back, his face hidden in Bucky’s neck. The rest of Sam’s body is losing its tension too, melting into Bucky’s, and it’s like the last crack of the ice in the spring, the one that lets everything finally flow back into place.

“I know,” Sam says, right after a deep sigh. His voice is slightly muffled by Bucky’s collar. “I know, sweetheart. I know. I believe you. It’s just—”

“It’s just?”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“It might not,” Bucky murmurs. On his hip, he feels Sam’s fingers twitching. “But I—I didn’t crawl—” Bucky starts, and cuts himself off. The words came so fucking clearly to him, and they’re a little too honest. A little too intense.

Then again, everything between him and Sam had been intense from the beginning, Bucky remembers, and decides that Sam can take it. They both can.

“I didn’t crawl out of Hydra hell,” Bucky says, his voice rougher than he’d like it to be, “to give up when I got a chance to get my hands on what’s basically heaven.”

Sam breathes in, deep and sharp. “Heaven?”

“Place on Earth with you,” Bucky says without thought, and yeah, _corny_ , _again_ , but it’s true. They’ve both seen Heaven—from Old Asgard, with its golden towers almost touching the stars, to Wakanda, with its vibrant landscape and welcoming, mindful people.

And yet.

“ _Basically_ Heaven?”

“I’ve smelt your morning breath, Wilson.”

“Nice to meet you, pot. ’M kettle.”

The hand that was laying on Bucky’s hips slides up to his back, pulling him in tighter, even as Sam draws his face back and looks at Bucky. His deep brown eyes are warm, bright, and unsure. They’re the prettiest thing Bucky’s ever seen.

"What do you say, Cap?" Bucky asks, just to watch Sam smile. "Worth it?"

Sam leans in, kisses Bucky gently, and he gets his answer. It's even better when Bucky hears it spoken out loud, though.

"Worth it," Sam says, and leans in to kiss him again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was just about to post this when I realized I’m posting my 40th fic on ao3, and that I posted my first one a little over a year ago, which is absolutely wild. Every comment and kudos has meant a lot.
> 
> Title from What's love got to do with it by Tina Turner. 
> 
> Hope you liked it, feel free to leave comments!
> 
> I am on [Tumblr](http://targaryenmelodrama.tumblr.com) if you wanna drop by!


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